Competing Commitments

In June of 2016, I embarked on my doctoral journey at SMU in Dallas, Texas.  When I got the acceptance call, I was personally committing to the following:

• Graduating in May of 2019
• Completing ALL of my dissertation demands prior to graduation (Because I don't want to be another ABD statistic)
• Paying every semester in full (Because 70% of college graduates have student loans and honestly, I just don't want that life)

In my first semester as a doctoral student, I was tasked with articulating my core values.  It is through the articulation of core values that individuals and organizations make a declaration to themselves and to others.  Essentially, the declaration of values says, "This is what I'm all about."  With this declaration, there is also an unspoken invitation, saying, "When you see misalignment between my actions and my values, tell me."  Keeping that in mind, here are the core values I submitted:

• Personal Development
• Stewardship
• Building Capacity in Others

Of course, I didn't submit a three bullet, seven word list of core values, but an essay.   (If you would like to read the paper, just ask and I'll gladly share.)  Keep reading.  It's all connected. 

As I entered into my second year of my doctoral work (17-18 school year), I was in mid-transition from Dallas ISD to Uplift Education, a Dallas-based charter school network, as an elementary dean (similar to an assistant principal role in a traditional school district).  This year has been full of life and learning - professionally and academically.  As I reflect on the relationships that have been built throughout this school year, I can clearly see lots of favor, laughter, and rich conversations.  I can also see a tension that began to build as the school year progressed in my conflicting commitments.

• Family
• Doctoral Studies
• Dean
• Living a healthy, active lifestyle
• Spiritual Growth through Gospel-Centered Community

As I recognized a lack of one of these commitments, I would work hard to "do better" at it.  This pulled me away from another commitment.  I was living in a constant tension of competing commitments, causing me to violate my personal value of stewardship. 

The more I worked on my doctoral work, the less time and energy I had to workout or go for a much needed run. When I used my Sunday to meal prep and go to church, I wouldn't complete the required readings I had set out to do that day.  If I stayed late at work to keep up with my job responsibilities, I would drop the ball on something else.  Living in the tension of competing commitments is exhausting and has led me to make a huge life decision. 

"You don't plan your budget. You budget your plan." - Dr. Dawson Orr

For the 2018-2019 school year, I will be taking a year off from working in order to complete my doctoral program, including my dissertation.  My hope is that my core values manifest themselves more as I seek to not be spread so thin, and to steward my time in ways that push me to grow, learn, and lead.  Luckily, that still includes fun. Lots of fun. 

I invite you to jump on this journey with me and share in my adventures, my learning, and my struggles.  Ask me questions. Subscribe for email updates. Honestly, I don't know what this year will hold, but I invite you to find out with me! 

"To ensure quality, then, excellence must be an earned word, attributed by others to use, not proclaimed by us about ourselves... It is the responsibility of good leaders to make sure that words remain attached to the meanings and ideals they represent." - Creativity, Inc.