Yes, we are getting married. No, we are not having a wedding.

To all the people we WOULD have invited to our wedding: 

All of our family

All of our friends 

All of our co-workers 

The people we love

The people who love us

Don't get me wrong: I love ATTENDING weddings.  I love BEING IN weddings. I love the groom's face when he sees his beautiful bride walking towards him for the first time.  I love the vows. I love the first kiss.  I am a #TFK4Life (True Fat Kid for Life) so I love ALL the food, sweets, cake, and repeat #seconds.  I love the speeches and toasts. I also love the all the dancing. For real. This girl will moonwalk, floss, worm, and line dance till the sparkler send-off or until I'm being summoned to join the clean-up crew.  

I also recognize that every single detail of all of my favorite weddings was chosen and placed in the ceremony and reception INTENTIONALLY.  That's what makes each wedding so uniquely special and fun. 

Those of you that know me (Dawna) well, know that I have never dreamed of a perfect wedding day.  In fact, I have never even dreamed of having a wedding at all. Even though I absolutely, without a doubt love experiencing the perfect flowers and lighting, colors and lace, the trendy mix-n-matchy bridesmaid dresses with guys in hipster suits, the tablecloths and decorations, the food and the cake, the smiles and oh man the unforgettable pictures, I still don't want a wedding. 

So here's the story.  

We had it all picked out. 

The guest list. 

The date. 

The budget. 

The venue. 

The food. 

The dessert.  

When the list kept on growing, you brides out there got ALL MY RESPECT. 

The tablecloths. 

The silverware. 

The flowers. 

The dresses. 

The outfits. 

The servers. 

When the list kept on growing, you wedding planners out there got the REST OF MY RESPECT.

The tables. 

The chairs. 

The decorations.

Next thing you know, someone would ask me a question, and I would ugly cry. 

Seriously though,  the mere thought of planning a wedding literally brought me to tears - like the serious, crocodile tears that don't stop. 

Then, there's my soon-to-be husband, Van. He's practical, thoughtful, linear, kind, patient, and many more adjectives that I can't fit in this sentence.  We would sit together and think about the actual wedding and all of the amazing people that would come and would get overwhelmed with both gratitude and disbelief.  Gratitude because our guests have invested so much time, energy, and love into us throughout the course of our lives and that they would all be at the wedding to support and celebrate us.  Disbelief because all of these people that we both love so dearly will be in the same room and we will only be able to have small talk and a picture with each one.  Keeping in mind that we love intentional time, he said, "Ok. We have four options: 

Option 1: We elope.
Option 2: We intentionally scale WAY back so we can intentionally move forward.
Option 3: We continue on our path and get a wedding planner.
Option 4: We just hire someone to do the whole thing. (#NotUs)

After lots of prayer and thought about who we are and what we want in our day, we are choosing option two. 

We are cancelling almost all of the things we picked out before.  We are cancelling the venue, the  food, the guest list that included all the people we love, respect, and admire from varying stages of life.  Don't even think about asking me if we cancelled the dessert (I told you I'm a #TFK4Life). Really though, we are intentionally scaling back so we can intentionally move forward.

Please remember family and friends, that you are loved and valued. We desire to spend intentional time with each of you. You are a part of us and have been a formative piece in each of our journeys.  While this may be disappointing for each of you that were looking forward to attending our wedding, please know that your presence is even more needed in our marriage.  We need community, your support, your advice, and your wisdom. Moving forward, one goal we have is to spend intentional time with our larger networks of friends and extended family that would have attended our wedding.  Considering that we would have only been able to have a short conversation and a really cute picture with each of our guests, we prefer purposefully designed time together around the table, playing games, hiking, walking, etc.  

Our desire is not to upset, disappoint, or exclude our loved ones by not having a wedding. Rather, our desire is to continue to cultivate friendships and relationships that are life-giving and formative throughout our marriage. 

Love, 

Dawna & Van